How true this is for me! Years ago, I was a really miserable person. Overworked, overcommitted, overweight, over everything...marriage, motherhood, life, you name it. I consumed my time with things that didn't matter and the things that did matter, but were too difficult to face, I chose to run away. Story of my life. Blame everything around myself and fall victim to my circumstances. When I finally took a good hard look at myself, the truth was really hard to swallow. I decided not to be a slave to life. I owned my life; it didn't own me.
I fought very hard to come out of the dark place I had allowed myself to fall into . I dug my nails in deep to find the strength I needed to overcome my insecurities, fears, self doubts, and predetermined failures. I worked with all my might to get to a place where I could finally face myself and say, "it's going to be ok". I developed a routine, I told everyone I knew, and that would listen, my plan and goals, and I stuck with it. There were certainly days when my demons would try and coax me back to my old life, but I would just remind myself that the old life wasn't much of a life at all. I wanted to look in the mirror (physically and metaphorically) and be proud of myself. I wanted to show myself that I could do anything I put my mind to and that I would not be a victim of my own demise. I looked at my children and promised myself that I would be a good example, not perfect, but good.
I changed my patterns. I changed my thinking. I developed NEW habits, healthy habits and focused on being the most positive person I knew. I stopped setting limits, I stopped telling myself excuses and I stopped allowing my life control me. I took the wheel and took charge of where I wanted my life to go. Now, realistically, we all know that life is going to throw us some curveballs. There are going to be situations that we have absolutely no control over, but what we can control is how we react to them. I tried to think more clearly and be more proactive than reactive. I forced myself to calm down and trust that things would sort themselves out if I kept a level head and followed my heart.
I learned a new mantra, "Not My Monkey", meaning that I didn't have to carry everyone else's problems. I realized that I didn't necessarily take on others' problems because I could even help, it was more of just a distraction from my own. How much help could I truly be if I was completely broken myself? Right? So I learned to let people take care of themselves and I focused on me; I focused on "my monkey".
The journey is hard. I battle it every day still. I wake up every day with the idea that I have another chance to make the day great. I have another chance to take care of me. Some days, I don't always succeed in the way I hoped, but every morning, I'm blessed with yet another chance.
No one gives you your worth. There's no magic pill to make life easier. Everyone is given 1 body, 24 hours in a day, 1 life...but there are a million perspectives and attitudes. You just have to choose which one you're going to use. I choose to be positive, love myself, live my life to my fullest potential. The only limits ahead are the ones I haven't broken yet!
Yes, I love me. I love who I've become, and I really did work damn hard to become her!
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