Loss of one of my biggest supporters.

This is somewhat therapeutic for me. I just need to get it out...

Yesterday, after my workout, I got the call that my mother-in-law had passed away very suddenly. She was a very healthy woman and this was a complete shock to us all. Our family is beyond devastated. Karen, was not simply my mother-in-law, in fact, she was one of my very best friends. She was my biggest cheerleader, confidant, supporter and we were closer than perhaps most women are even as close to their own mothers. I'm taking this very hard.

I met Karen when I was 20 years old. She and my father-in-law are not married, but have been together for over 3 decades. She immediately accepted me as part of the family and the more I got to know her to deeper I fell I love with her. She was the smartest, kindest and most brilliant woman I had ever known.

When my husband and I would argue, Karen was the first person I would call. I suppose she gave me the best advice on how to live with Martin Tiernay, as she had spent her life living with Martin James and they are absolutely cut from the same mold. She would tell me, "Alice Anne, there's a reason why those Loftus men need women like us... We're the only ones that handle them!"

Karen was there with me through the pregnancy and birth of both my babies. She loved those children with all her heart. Marissa was especially close to her. They would spend hours upon hours playing dress up, hosting tea parties, talking about birds (a love of nature that they both shared immensely!) and doting over Bebop. Karen loved to shower Marissa with beautiful dresses and toys and books; she spoiled the girl rotten! Karen's greatest strength (and weakness) was her ability to follow orders without fail when it came to Marissa. I really believe that Marissa was her world and vice versa.

As Christian was getting older, he was becoming closer and closer to Karen. He adored his Bemom. One day they spent together playing and then Christian had to take a nap. When he awoke, Bemom had already gone home. He searched the house, and after several minutes, his first words were, "My Bemom left me." I immediately called Bemom to tell her what he had said and she just laughed and then cried! She said it warmed her heart to the core because he was finally understanding and loving her!

As I began my journey through health and fitness, Karen was one of the first people I called and told about my goals and my dream to enter a Figure competition. She was beyond proud of me. We talked for a good hour and I shared my blog with her. I would also give her updates and send her pictures. She was so supportive. She was also so proud, she told everyone about it and was constantly complimenting me, cheering me on and she was so excited to attend the show in August. At this point, I know I'm going to take several days off from training. I am grieving and I just cannot imagine even trying to push through this right now. However, I know Karen would not want me to become derailed. She's watching over me and cheering me on and come August, I will get on that stage and make her proud!

Our lives are forever changed. The loss of Karen, Bemom, Friend, is so intense I feel empty and completely heartbroken. As much as I cherish and appreciate my time with her and feel blessed to have been able to have her in my life, I feel robbed. I feel that it just wasn't enough time and I'm devastated. I ache for my children and their loss, I worry for my father-in-law and I grieve for all our family. Karen was simply, the most wonderful person we have ever known and we love her more than words can express.

May God help us find peace and may Karen always know how much we love her. We will carry her in our hearts for all our days....