As hard as this is to acknowledge, Dec. 14th is just a week away and I do not feel that I reached my goal. UGH! I actually came to this realization while in FL, specifically while meeting with Blythe. I just haven't been able to vocalize/write it until now. I'm not someone that likes to admit that I didn't reach my original goal. I know, I know, "practice what you preach, AA". I will tell you that I WAS disappointed, I was beating down on myself, frustrated, a little blue and even a little angry. All for about a day.
Blythe and I discussed how in the back of my mind I had told myself that I wasn't really going to walk the stage on Dec. 14th. That took a tremendous amount of pressure off of me and it removed the "urgency", therefore, I never felt the "pressure of the commitment". My heart wasn't in it. I knew in the back of my mind that there wasn't a deadline. I'm the type of person that needs a deadline. I need the pressure, I need the focus and the commitment. I don't know what makes me tick that way, but it is what it is and I have to recognize that about myself.
So, I've committed to going back to FL in March and seeing Blythe, running a 5K with her (in 24 minutes or less...HOLY GUACAMOLE!) and showing her the physical progress I've made. I'm devoting the next 12 weeks to eating Paleo as much as possible, lifting heavy and consistently, and running (sprinting and pick ups) 3 days a week. This gives me a date. March 2nd, I see BLYTHE. That's pressure, but in a good way. I want to show myself and her that I can work hard (of course I can, I've done it before- while heavier, and less experienced!) and I want to reach my goal. The "illusuion" of walking a stage wasn't a solid goal but now I've got a new sight and I'm ready!
Whew! I feel better having finally expressed that. I didn't fail, I just needed to find a better motivation.