Happy

Whew!  What a rough couple weeks I have had!  It seems that I've had the unfortunate ability to find just about every possible jerk within a 50 mile radius.  Every time I turned around, I found myself shaking my head in disbelief at how people could treat one another and act with such entitlement and disregard of respect and courtesy towards others.  I admit, I was starting to unravel.  I have been teetering on the edge of a complete meltdown and even found myself speaking and acting a little saucier than usual.

I look back at the last several days and while in the midst of all the chaos, I might have felt that I was surrounded by negativity, I sit here now, reflecting, and realize that I was in fact surrounded by many many blessings!

I think about those that acted unkindly.  I think back on the situations that left me drained and frustrated.  I replay the interactions in my mind and I cannot help and conclude that none of it was truly about me.  I was not a victim.  I was not the target.  The actions and words were not directed towards me.  I was simply a bystander.  I was caught in the backlash.  I felt the ripple of someone else's unhappiness and the toxicity of the poison from their own demons.  It was never ever about me.  I cannot control how they act.  I can only control what I feel and how I respond.

I see the silver linings.  I had to chuckle as I thought about last Thursday night, meeting my marathon team out for dinner and drinks.  We all arrived, comparing stories on how tough our individual days had been.  Ann's 6 hour commute, Erica's black eye, Susan's study cram session, Kelly's receipt of an idiot remark...I think each of us had reason to stay home and pull the cover over our heads.  Yet, there we were, laughing, talking and planning great things.  I think about the stranger at Whole Foods who went out of her way to try and brighten my day.  She stayed past her shift, made me a beautiful sushi platter for a party that I was not prepared for and did not appropriately plan in a timely manner.  Yet, from the kindness of her heart, she made things right for me.  My heart swells as I reminisce about the smile on my friend's face as she realized she had walked into a surprise party in her honor and how she graciously hugged each and every guest and thanked them for being there to celebrate her.  I well up with tears, as I remember the conversation with friends after a Sunday morning workout.  My friend Lara saying, "This is my church.  It is food for my soul to see my friends here.  I cannot help but feel lucky to be surrounded by such lovely women."  I giggle to myself as I text my friend Susan thanking her for including me as we attended a fashion show fundraiser.  Both of us exhausted from our week, but there...supporting another friend.  I felt pride as I kissed my children before they exited the car in carpool lane and I feel thankful that they are healthy and happy.  Even though they are growing right before my eyes, they look to me for reassurance and safety and I know that they know that I'll always be there for them.

I realize, yes, I had some really sucky interactions lately, but WOW, I've also been graced with some pretty fantastic moments too!  It isn't about me, whether someone acts in anger or acts in love.  It is about them.  It has NOTHING to do with me.  How I react and how I conduct myself, either in anger or love, is entirely up to me!  I choose happiness.  I am the master of my soul...